On today, March 15, 2018, I’ve decided to write my thoughts from this point on. I am seventeen and was worn on April 7, 2000. I have been on this Earth for one decade and seven years but my spirit has been here for longer than I. The reason I’ve decided to write my thoughts is because of this book I’ve been reading – The City of Ember, Book I. It’s given me a new look on things.
The main character in this book are Lina and Doom. Lina, she is working as a messenger and Doom is a pipeworker. They started out as friends long ago but they are no longer friends. From chapter 1 through 8, they were taking turns describing what Lina and Doom are like and what they are doing after work. Then, in chapter 9 Lina showed Doom something very important. The City of Ember was an underground city whose only lights were the lamps in the streets.
Lina and Doom never saw the moon nor the sun, the grass nor any creatures, the chickens nor the cows, the foxes nor the dogs, none of that. And it got me thinking, if we were in an underground city for all of our lives, what would we do? How would we survive? Things like that get me thinking. Could we survive like that?
Today I’ve been in my room all day, it’s really boring but it gets you thinking. Why wait for anything? Over my 16 months being incarcerated I’ve learned that being in jail doesn’t make you bad, it doesn’t make you stupid, it doesn’t mean that can’t do anything. I’ve written 7 books and 6 songs. Just because you’re in jail doesn’t mean your mind is trapped.
I believe that my family doesn’t want me to come home. I don’t know what got me thinking that but that’s what it looks like. I mean I’ve been locked up for 16 months now and it got me to the point of losing my mind and thinking my family don’t want me back home. I know… I know… y’all are thinking “well, what about your mother?” She wants me back home so badly and my baby sister’s miss me just as bad.
(Later that night)
So tonight I’ve been reading my Bible and writing down some things I’ve been thinking about. I’m reading Proverbs 21. In verse 13 it says, “Whoever shuts his ears to the cries of the poor, will cry himself and not be heard.” I wouldn’t do that even if I tried, I’m a giver, I can’t say no for some reason. I don’t know why it’s just not in me. So, goodnight. I’m going to try and get some rest.
Today, I was supposed to be writing a speech for BRIDGES, but I really don’t feel like doing it. Ms. Anderson got us doing that for BRIDGES and I’ve been thinking about giving up in it but I can’t. I can’t think of nothing for this speech. It’s supposed to be for kids at a middle school but I won’t be there when they go to the school.
So, some people are stupid as hell. I’m only seventeen. I don’t understand most of what I hear, so if you ask me what’s going on with people nowadays, I would give you my opinion on that and it would sound something like this: People nowadays are stupid and crazy as hell. There are kids dying everyday and most of those kids are BLACK. The police are killing our children and our husbands and wives are being arrested.
I mean I can’t stand seeing or hearing our kids, husbands, wives, our family being killed for no reason at all. We can’t just say that we fear for our lives and shoot an officer dead, we’ll just go to jail and get a life sentence. But if a white guy shoots a cop he’ll go to jail and get charged for manslaughter.
If a black person goes out and shoots up a school and kills 23 and injures 40, they will give him as much time as they can. If a white person goes out and shoots up a school, killing 23 and injuring 40, they will drop half of his charges then try and give him time for just that.
Me, I don’t care about the police. I would care if they tried to hurt my mother or any of my family because then they would have started a war with the devil. Something they can’t finish.
(Later that night)
Tonight, I’m thinking about my daughter and wife. I miss them so much. It’s like I never wanted to leave them but I did anyway and I truly hate myself for leaving them. Every time I think about it… it hurts more and more, to the point where I can’t even stand straight, let alone sleep straight. Because all I think of is my family.
Today is pretty good because I know my family wants me back home and I’m thinking about what I’m going to do when I get home. I got big dreams and some day I’m going to be a millionaire for my family.
Well, I have been sleep all day so I don’t have any thoughts to truly put, but I can say my dream was about this: my brother and I was at a bar when someone started shooting. My bro passed me a gun and we shot back. We killed them then started killing their friends as we walked to the front of the bar. There was two tracks outside the bar with big guns on them and when I got shot I woke up. I thought it was real but like every other dream it wasn’t and like always it felt real.
Dear Kings and Queens,
You all have to do better than this. You come from a line of Kings and Queens and you have to be able to set a goal for the Princes and Princesses of your lives. This generation is messed up so badly nowadays, and I really don’t understand why but I can say this: Today, March 27, 2018, the years have changed to the point where we’re so afraid, we won’t even go out the door without looking out the window first. Times haven’t gotten to the point where mothers and fathers have to give their life just to keep their children safe yet.
Your heart and everything else is in God’s hands. So my KINGS and QUEENS, y’all have to stand up to those obstacles in your lives. Stand up for what you represent and I’m not talking about any gangs either. Stand up for your family, your flesh and blood. Be a positive mentor and, trust me, all will pay off in your favor. Live up to your title. Live up to be the King and Queen and make your mother and father glad to call you their child.
Because the home I’m from, I am a King, a leader. It’s time to make your choice. So, ask yourself, “Am I a King and a leader, or a fool and a follower?” The choice is yours to make. I am King Ghoston.
(Later than night)
Tonight, I know I might not get a lot of sleep because these dudes talk too much and my chest hurts and I’m hot, like it feels like I’m on fire. But I’m going to try to get some sleep tonight. The time right now is 11:54, so I’m going to try and sleep off the pain. Goodnight.